Apparently, Oreos and mac and cheese are superfoods. 

When Evan was a toddler, he would eat blueberries, avocado, green smoothies and he loved broccoli. Then he got a little bit older, and suddenly it was all about macaroni and cheese. Every day. Mac and cheese. I tried variations with broccoli in it but that was a failure of epic proportions. I tried making the green smoothies a little less green, I made homemade applesauce, I made muffins with spinach hidden in them. I tried and I tried and I tried. He ate other things, I’m not saying his diet consisted of just mac and cheese, but it was certainly his primary form of caloric intake. I could usually get him to eat some eggs for breakfast, but lunch and dinner was mac and cheese. I was, to put it mildly, frustrated.

I had unsolicited advice from every direction, especially well-meaning family. Mainly it was along the lines of, “Just make a meal, put the food in front of him and if he eats, he eats and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t.” And of course, there was the, “If he’s hungry enough, he’ll eat.” Those people had clearly forgotten what it’s like to have a hungry toddler on your hands. That route punished me more than it did Evan. 

I was absolutely judged as a mom, by everyone. It made me second guess everything I was doing and made me worry he was going to be so much farther behind than he already was. I knew his brain needed all the help it could get, and I was trying my hardest to get any sort of nutrients in him. I knew autistic children could fixate on foods and be picky eaters and I had a feeling that’s what it was, but it didn’t make me feel any better. 

My moods and good days and bad days were dictated by what Evan ate. When he would eat a spinach-filled muffin, I was high on life. I would make three dozen and freeze them and then I’d go to give him another one and he would refuse it and I would feel so defeated. I was constantly trying new recipes and trying to find creative ways to sneak in fruits and vegetables. It was exhausting. 

When we were at his yearly wellness check-up, his doctor, of course, asked how he was eating. I told him about everything I was trying to do and he could obviously tell I was frustrated. 

He put his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eye and said, “I once had a patient who ate nothing but a sleeve of Oreos every meal. His parents tried fighting it, but they gave up. A sleeve of Oreos, every meal for a year. And you know what? That kid never missed a milestone. He’s older now and he’s okay. And he eats like a normal human. So Evan’s okay. You’re okay. Don’t let this run your life.”

It was absolute freedom hearing those words. “Don’t let this run your life.” Evan’s pediatrician was a Harvard trained doctor. He was no slouch. He spent his free time researching clinical studies because apparently that’s what really smart people do. Mind you, I’m talking studies, not articles. I’m talking about control groups, blind and double blind studies, randomization, modules and all that technical talk. And this guy was telling me it was okay. 

“Don’t let this run your life.” 

The freedom I found in those words was amazing because until then, I hadn’t realized how much I was letting it control me. I was able to let it go just a little bit. Of course it still bothered me, but it gave me the freedom to relax and eventually Evan came out of it. Now he eats anything I put in front of him even if he doesn’t like it, simply because I tell him it’s healthy. He eats Brussels sprouts and broccoli and salmon and salads and smoothies and he’s okay. He came out of it, just like his doctor promised. 

Let’s make this clear; I’m not suggesting you feed your kid a sleeve of Oreos for every meal or nothing but mac and cheese. But what I am doing is giving you permission to give yourself grace – to let it go and let it happen. Keep working on it, keep introducing them to new foods, keep making it just one bite of something healthy. If your kid is a picky eater, it’s okay. Don’t let it consume you. Roll with it. 

In case you’re still not convinced, let me introduce you to my cousin, Miranda. This kid ate nothing but hotdogs and mac and cheese for years. This was before I had kids so you’d better believe I judged my aunt. I was appalled she would allow her kid to eat such low quality food, especially when they were so health-conscious. But Miranda grew up to be one of the most incredible human beings I know. She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s caring. She’s a nurse and she loves exercise and healthy foods and she’s completely beautiful and healthy both inside and out. She came out of it. She’s okay. She was allowed control over her choices so eventually, she started making the right ones and didn’t feel the need to rebel.

I have a memory of staying the night at my grandma’s and getting into a battle of wills with her over some soggy overcooked green beans. She drew the hard line and said I couldn’t get up from the table until I ate them. I slept at the dinner table that night. She told me those leftover beans were breakfast the following morning. I still didn’t eat them. To this day, I hate green beans. 

What may have worked for our parents or grandparents doesn’t have to work for us. Don’t green bean your kids. Just keep modeling good eating habits and it will all fall into place. Your kids are watching you and they will come around eventually. 

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